A Necessary Corrective

It’s Contagious…

Imagine yourself walking down a wooded path. You are contentedly listening to a podcast, fully immersed in your own little world, and from a distance, you notice an individual who is staring up into the trees. They are perfectly still, focused and appear determined in their level of attention. Suddenly, you notice your eyes scanning upward. Seeing nothing, your pace slows. Hopeful not to disrupt whatever must be present, you find yourself attempting to diminish any sound your movement might create. The individual is stalwart with their interest, seemingly unaware of your approaching presence. With increasing stealth and no hesitation, you slip your earbuds out and join them shoulder to shoulder with upward gaze. You whisper, “What is it?”

Curiosity!

We are repeatedly told our technological advances have us more “connected” than at any other time in history and yet, we are fighting a loneliness epidemic as our world feels increasingly polarized. If you are like me, you are trading in your social connection for social safety. For many of us this means, saying a lot less, settling for far less social interaction or choosing to be with only like-minded people. But these solutions are doing more harm than good. As our social spheres become smaller and less tolerant, we are losing touch with our inherent curiosity, the art of discourse and more importantly true connection with each other.

There was a time in history when sharing differing perspectives was the height of social entertainment. But today, offering a differing view carries great social risk of judgement and potential ostracism. If we are honest, most of our conversations are driven by a strong internal desire to speak, share our perspective, and find consensus among our audience. But when we do not create space for curiosity of others, we miss valuable unique perspectives, shared common themes and the very intersection where connection is made.

Collectively, we need to shift this dynamic, and I believe WE can through Curiosity Clubs.

What is a Curiosity Club?

It is a small group of diverse individuals who come together monthly to share discourse around a shared topic. Each month a topic of interest is offered by one of the members and each person comes prepared to share their perspective. There are distinct individual and group advantages built into this format.

• We learn what our members are interested in.
• Each member gets to share and hear many differing and new perspectives on a topic of interest.
• Each member has an opportunity to discover new personal insight as they explore a topic, they may not have otherwise given much thought to
• As a group, we get direct experience with how unique each person’s perspective is on any shared topic.
• We deepen our understanding and appreciation of each other which supports our relationships when differences occur.

How Does it Work?

As a way of creating uncompromised space and respect, the conversation is intentionally hosted in a structured environment where each member gets the same amount of time to share their perspective without interruption. If the current speaker doesn’t use their full allotted time for sharing, the remaining time is opened for other members to exercise one of two conversational options. They may ask a question of the current speaker that leads to further exploration or they may simply acknowledge something new they heard or appreciated from the speaker’s perspective. As a group we place greater interest in listening than speaking and on learning rather than convincing. We agree to “no advice giving’ or “gotcha” moments, allowing our differences to deepen understanding rather than divide.

By intentionally slowing down or derailing our customary self-interested conversational patterns, we become more present for each other and more mindful of our own internal reactions. By practicing receptive listening, we are catching when our minds have spotted a difference in perspective and notice its misguided conclusion and panic that “one of us must be wrong about this.” It is here where we get to disrupt the truly uncomfortable instinct to judge and replace it with our more natural instinct for curiosity.

I call this Kaleidoscope Listening. Our minds are built to see differences. We are not likely to change that. But like a kaleidoscope, endless, varying views can be created without anything being eliminated from the mix.  With practice, the same can be true in our conversations with each other.

Why Should You Do It?

Honestly, because it feels good. When we are sitting in defended judgement of each other, or ourselves, our bodies become tense, the world feels hostile and we want to hide or argue. But curiosity…it opens us up. It captures our attention. It delivers us into a deep state of interest, focus, and union. And when we join each other in that state of being…well, it is delicious! An uncontested, alluring invitation, curiosity just feels good to share. It is nature’s elixir to all forms of strife. Connection feels effortless in the company of curiosity. And we all have access to it.

If you would like to join a Curiosity Club or learn how to host your own, please reach out to me at mel.you.logy@gmail.com. And PLEASE share this with others!