“I don’t know how you can remain so unaffected.” Dripping with judgment and delivered with acrid tone, her words had me on my heels. Some childlike part of me shrunk in shame while another part felt the sting of indignation in recognizing she had not asked a single question to understand my interior landscape. Once I was able to untangle from and set down the misassigned mantle of wrongdoing, I was left with an interesting observation and lens for self-reflection.
Like most of us, I have spent weeks in emotional reactivity as societal turmoil scorches a trail of tragedy and destruction in my own backyard. I have struggled with existential questions like “What is my part?” “What would be helpful?” “What is my unique way to bring more love and peace into my community?” And now, apparently, I had an even bigger question to grapple with, “What is wrong with my moral character?”
Her observation is, in part true; I have not been screaming in outrage. But it is not because I don’t care. Nor is it because I am not recognizing or feeling the weight of what is happening. There was something else under the surface that I trusted more than my emotional reactions.
To be honest, I am not sure why this has escaped me for so long, but I am grateful her “allegation” brought this awareness into focus. I have a 30-year career in transformation. I called it picture framing, but for decades I have moved something from one state into another. And the truth is I have so much practice traveling through the messy, often utterly uncertain, and frustrating creative process that my first instinct isn’t to resist it.
Beyond my career, I also have a constellation of loved ones who have undergone tremendous personal transformation as they overcame addiction and learned to live one day at a time guided by nothing more than small, persistent choices of new behavior. To say I believe in the possibility of transformation and trust its process would be an understatement. It has become a core belief and foundational truth that I steer much of my life responses around.
I have become so practiced with it, that I do not panic while standing at the precipice of potential and possibility. Undoubtedly, within each is risk and reward. But it has been my experience when we move with what is and bring what we can to the process, often something greater emerges.
At the risk of being tedious, I would like to offer an example of a project that illustrates the kind of transformation I have been engaged in for several years. Although it may appear simplistic and too removed from the complexity of life, the process we went through to find our way to an unknown destination does not feel all that different than where we find ourselves collectively today. And I think precisely because it is simplistic it offers an accessible anatomy to transformation.
This project initially arrived at our custom frame design table as nothing more than a thumb drive, and a weathered dictionary with crumpled parchment sticking out of it. On the thumb drive was a word document with a set of wedding vows. Laced within the pages of the dictionary were dried flowers from a wedding bouquet. And in front of me stood a mother who wanted to present a meaningful first wedding anniversary gift to her son and daughter-in-law.
Easy, right?
If I am being completely honest, I still marvel at how much bravery, instinct and skill coalesced to usher in this result. But I share this example precisely because of the amount of uncertainty that defined and followed it through its entire evolution.
Like all projects, the client had to extend a measure of trust in my ability to hear her ideas and to add my experience and skill in a way that both safeguarded and successfully transformed this collection into a visual representation of a precious memory. But looking back, I find her ability to be with my uncertainty both astounding and inspiring as I ornamented our process with “I’m not sure’s” and “Maybe we should wait’s.”
At the start of our session, I listened as she explained how her primary intention was to frame the vows. She went on to say she hadn’t printed them off because she figured we would have better paper options; cautioning, though, that she didn’t want the paper to be so “pretty” that people were too distracted to read the words. And it was only because she had saved and preserved the flowers that she decided “on a lark” to bring them along.
MY MENTAL NOTES:
- The vows were the most important part of the project.
- I’ll need to find and source elegant but understated printable paper in small quantities.
- She is having a positive emotional response to the idea of incorporating dried flowers from the wedding bouquet…and that inspires me to make it happen!
At this point, I was feeling a bit “in the weeds” (or flowers, as it were) but wanted to appear “expertly” so I asked her if the document on the thumb drive was formatted in the way she preferred and if she could show me the collection of flowers and identify which, if any, held greater significance. The collection was essentially leaves and petals and it was clear to me, if we used them, we were not going to be attempting to arrange a likeness of the bouquet.
MORE MENTAL NOTES:
- Dried flowers are incredibly difficult to work with and there is not an endless supply here.
- We need to avoid a presentation that requires a high level of handling or precision in the placement of the flowers.
I’m going to be honest, even after two decades of experience, I had no idea how I could “pull this off.” I told her I was going to need some time to source the paper and while my initial ideas were to make a custom mat using the petals, I needed to brainstorm how I could achieve that. Given the uncertainty involved, our session came to a natural end, but I felt incredibly uneasy that she was leaving without having made any mat or frame choices or knowing even the most basic information like the size and price of the project. But this was going to be a process that required evolution and several small steps.
INSERT GREAT UNCERTAINTY AND INCREDIBLE TRUST HERE!
MY ACTION:
Finding the paper became an easy first step. We knew of a paper supplier that offered “by the piece” purchase options and I just needed to find time to get onsite and explore options. When I got there, I wished I had asked more questions about the recipients’ style preferences, but I gathered up a delightful collection of simple natural parchments, subtle shimmery metallics, and tasteful understated patterns. Each held a measure of timeless elegance without too much audacity.
It felt good to call her only a few days after our first meeting and let her know I had several paper options for her to look at. Fighting my own feelings of “stuckness,” I took pleasure in suggesting that she plan enough time for her visit so we could pick the paper, find mat, and frame options and get her a better idea on pricing for the project.
Meanwhile, my mind was perpetually percolating about how I could secure brittle flowers to a mat in a way that would not destroy them, while being permanent enough to withstand the effects of gravity and the test of time.
Easy, right? (Why had I fallen in love with making that small miracle happen?)
To spare you the tedium of a great bit of mental gymnastics, I will say this, there was not a true “Eureka” moment. It was more of a cautious “Maybe that could work…????” notion.
MY IDEA:
- I could use spray adhesive to secure the petals to the surface of the mat.
- Pros: It was low tack enough that I had some flexibility in case something needed to be removed or shifted.
- But it had enough “adhesion” that I could safely move the mat and place it under weight to more permanently secure their placement.
- Cons: The spigot on the spray adhesive cans have a track record of spurting, clogging, and creating uneven coverage.
- The adhesive had a quick dry time, and I had a sizable surface to cover with a floral design that could not be preplanned.
MY CONCERNS:
- Given the time sensitivity to the adhesive, I needed to insure I was not interrupted, while also running a two-person retail shop.
- The flowers wouldn’t cover the entire mat surface, and exposed adhesive could cause contact problems with the glass, so I would need a way to buffer the adhesive from the glass.
- Spray adhesive could dry out over time, and I did not want the petals to start dropping within the frame.
- In short, I still needed to figure out a tidy and transparent way to encapsulate the mat.
…Easy, right?
I cannot swear this is true, but I think I was in the shower when I remembered I had a boat load of tulle (netted fabric) left over from either my mother’s or my sister’s wedding decorations. And there it was, my potentially brilliant bridal inspired but marginally practical solution.
MY ACTION:
It was at this point in my brainstorming process that my client was back at the design table browsing paper options and making her selections. Given the backdrop of uncertainty, I leaned into the simple satisfaction found in these small steps. With the vows now printed on two different paper options and sitting in front of us we started browsing mats to see which option would be most pleasing. This process gave her a sense of “ownership” to the project and allowed us to spend more time together which naturally built rapport and trust…which, I knew this project absolutely required.
It was at this time, that I shared with her that I imagined creating a mat that looked like the scattered floral petals freshly laid down by their flower girl. Her head jerked upright and her eyes filled with tears. “How did you know?” When I stammered a bit, she went on to tell me their flower girl was a niece who had a rare neurological disease. Her processional walk was not only a monumental physical accomplishment, but it was also defined by her sheer joy and exuberance.
(I had NO IDEA…and this mat instantly became more than just including flowers “on a lark”)
Given the turn of events, it became incredibly important for her to know I had never done this before. I had thought it through and knew of some of the risks. But there were no guarantees. So, now that we were knee deep into real life emotional terrain, I needed to know she was willing to have me take the risk… and potentially fail with a process that, at this point, was nothing more than an idea.
Wiping tears away, she quietly said, “Absolutely.”
Given her emotional state and knowing that the frame choice may be different whether I was successful with the mat or not, I asked if she wanted to get on with her day and reconvene with the frame choice after we knew our results. A soft nod was enough for us to end our time together.
NOW, INSERT A RIDICULOUSLY FOOLISH AMOUNT OF COURAGE HERE!
I am a risk adverse person and when it came to taking risks with someone else’s personal and emotionally infused keepsakes, my brand of courage required several more well thought out strategic steps.
MY MENTAL NOTES AND PROPOSED ACTION PLAN
- Timing mattered and I needed to be smart about when I started this and manage any risk of interruption.
- Best to do it before or after business hours.
- The spray adhesive nozzle issues would best be managed by working on the floor.
- I would need to cordon off some space and protect it from adhesive overspray.
- In addition to managing the adhesive, I needed easy and efficient access to the various petals and leaves as I worked on the floor to create an unplanned but aesthetically pleasing layout.
- I would arrange a collection of chairs behind me that kept the flowers out of overspray risk but within reach as I composed the design in real time.
- Cutting the mat first would give me a clear read on the area needing to be designed, but placing a precut mat under pressure could cause the outside edges to appear rolled down as well as negatively affect the bevel cut.
- I would have to arrange the flowers on a mat blank a bit larger than the finished piece.
- With a limited number of petals available and working on a mat blank larger than the exact finished size, I needed to have a clear representation of my design space, so nothing was wasted or at risk of being cut through.
- I need to lightly mark both the outer margin and where the opening will eventually be cut.
- INNER PANIC…you have one shot at this!
- I need to completely trust my instincts on the layout.
- Once the flowers are in place, I need help placing a precut sized piece of tulle across the surface of the mat.
- I need someone ready to partner with me in pulling a piece of fabric taut and slowly placing it across the surface of the mat, without jostling the loosely placed petals.
- With nothing more than blind faith and a lot of hope, the tulle will go down without wrinkles and remain that way as we set an adhesive resistant silicone coated paper across it and place it in a press that will apply a hundred pounds of downward pressure.
That is not scary at all! I mean, what could go wrong?!
Well, obviously, the framing angels were with us as we moved through this creative death-defying act. And I am incredibly proud of what we accomplished over the years with not only this project but many others. But I am going to be honest with you, I never wanted to be a picture framer. Frankly, it insisted on being a part of my life…and I eventually relented. Three separate times, this career path insinuated itself into my life and I have never understood why. But now I feel like the Universe’s long game seems to be coming into view.
Most people would describe the work of a picture framer as creative. It is, but there is a distinction to be made. Unlike other creative processes that bring an idea into existence through effort, the framing process gave me practice in changing the material condition of something as I moved a shared idea through thoughtful strategies and brave action. This is transformational creativity and I believe it is what we are being called to at this time.
Collectively, we are in a messy dissolution of structures and systems that are long overdue for change. Their destruction is ushering in a great deal of pain, uncertainty, and fear. And it makes perfect sense we cling to what we’ve always known and lash out at the perceived threats to it. In truth, most of us are in a state of resistance. But I believe we are being invited into a process of personal and collective transformational creativity.
As a picture framer I got to flex an imagination that loved potential and I was privileged to spend years moving what clients brought in through dramatic shifts in appearance and form. Now I am training as a Wayfinder Coach, and I am humbled at the similarities I am discovering in the process, as I help people move through their own shifts in personal understanding and potential.
I am recognizing small doses of inspiration can carry us through a great bit of challenge.
If you recall from my shared example, the first step in the process was asking the client to tell me what was most important to them. The second step was exploring what was possible with my experience, materials and skill set. The third step explored ways where I might need help or collaboration from others. And the ultimate step was finding the grit to act with courage and persistence as I explored and executed strategies towards the larger vision. When I learned there was an emotional “reward” in the possibility to include the dried flowers, something came alive in me, and I relied on that energy to overcome a healthy bit of uncertainty and fear.
As we respond to the world’s conditions and move towards finding our way, we must start with a simple, but not easy, question: What is most important to us?
As social beings who have been conditioned to behave in ways that conform to and cooperate with long established social systems, most of us do not know the answer to this question. And until our systems became this disrupted, many of us had little reason to explore our personal landscape and gain clarity around our values, interests, and unique talents. Frankly, many may even overlook that there are multiple facets to this question.
- What is important to me? Is often lost in the pursuit of “fitting in” and being like everyone else.
- What is important to you? Is often lost within our pesky self-referencing perspective and blunted curiosity about others.
- And what is shared and important to us? Has gotten completely lost within our current climate of polarization where we see threat within any form of difference.
If we do not know what is important to us personally and collectively, we will not find the spark necessary to ignite and sustain us through the messy, uncertain, and brave process of transformational creativity. Despite our cultures zeal for “doing,” what we may need first is more introspection, exploration, and clarity around our mutuality. And whether we recognize it or not, most of us need help discovering and bringing clarity to our own perspective and matching it with the courage to offer our unique talents to the world.
What troubles me most is that as our landscape becomes even more volatile and divided, more people are choosing silence over conversation. They are taking leave from potentially conflictive discussion in exchange for the comfort of confirmation bias. Creativity asks more of us. At its core, it is a problem-solving process that remains responsive to what is. It draws on past experience to find patterns and make fresh connections. But at the center of the process is an ongoing conversation between what wants to become with what is currently present. A sort of call and response between “It’s This…Now What?” I guess the reason I appear so unaffected is because I recognize we are at the precipice of transformation and I see my small role within it.
Please share your reaction to this perspective.
Do you have interest in learning more about your personal potential through Wayfinder Coaching? I am working towards certification and need practice hours. If you think you could benefit from a few sessions, I would be honored to schedule time together.
Email: mel.you.logy@gmail.com